Here is an article that my Mom wrote for a Crowned With Silver magazine back in 2002. I hope you enjoy reading it! Please leave your comments...
Only ten years ago I would have thought Crowned With Silver was “behind the time” and “too old-fashioned” for my “tastes”. Now, however, I find it as a source of nurturing to my God-given feminine roles as wife and mother!
When I married my husband 12years ago, I had no idea what marriage was about. I didn’t know that you each came in with an individual role. I had absolutely no desire to have children, as that would ruin my figure too much. I contemplated divorce after only six months of marriage but knew that this was not God’s will for marriage.
I even began to plan ways, in my head, of how I could divorce “biblically” so that I’d be free to remarry! What utter wickedness!!! Every time I tried to devise a plan, the Hold Spirit would remind me of my wickedness and cause me to see how utterly unfaithful I was being to the man I vowed to stay married to now matter what!
Even though, at the time I would never have considered myself a feminist, my worldview had certainly been influenced enough to think like one. I needed help!!! I went to counseling; the counselor only listened and got paid with no real input. I spoke to many of my trusted girl friends who encouraged me to divorce since I wasn’t happy. But the Holy Spirit’s urging was much more compelling than all the wicked advice I received.
After consistently hearing the Word of God taught and preached, the Lord slowly and carefully began to show me areas in my life that needed some major changing in order to restore my marriage. He caused me to remember testimonies I had heard of broken, seemingly hopeless marriages that God miraculously pieced back together, therefore, confirming to me that He WAS able to restore MY marriage.
He showed me how dominating I was; how I constantly tried to overthrow my husband’s role as head. He showed me how important it was to surround myself with godly women who were not afraid to tell me what I didn’t want to hear. He showed me how I needed to pray continually for my husband an d how in those prayers, that I need to show genuine thankfulness and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for having given me a husband at all!
Finally, and most importantly, He showed me how I needed to find out from His HOLD WORD what marriage was exactly…how He designed it; what were our roles, how I was to submit to my husband’s headship, etc.
He is so gracious and faithful in restoring marriages to anyone that trust Him and obeys.
All too often, the world does so well to paint pictures of marriages that are “perfect” and that live “happily ever after”, yet God’s intention for marriages is to teach us submission; to serve one another; showing us our individual faults; disagreeing but at the same time accepts each other’s views graciously; dying to ourselves daily for God’s glory and honor; working hard towards loving each other even under the most difficult circumstances. This is all very hard work! Only when we take this challenge of hard work and willingly obey our Father’s instructions do we see the most beautiful, wonderful union take place.
Four years into our marriage, the Lord blessed us with our first child and now I am pregnant with our fourth! We are excited to see where He will take us in this journey of marriage. We have certainly not arrived. Every day, new challenges occur that are sent our way to teach us something. The most joyful thing about those challenges is that they are sent by a loving, caring Father who knows that we learn best by trials.
“…Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” ~James 1:2-4
So, I would encourage you to persevere, to love your husbands, love your children, pray for them, find out ways to encourage your husband, show him that you are thankful that God put you together in this life. Keep a watchful eye on your motives; don’t expect anything in return. When you have had bad thoughts about your husband, make a list of things you are thankful for about him. God will honor your efforts with blessings beyond comprehension. He can restore any marriage; no challenge is too difficult for His infinite power.
All glory, honor and power be His,
Mrs. Ricardo (Tanya) Duarte
For the readers: please be notified that Mrs. Duarte is now the happy and loving mother of 6 children, ages: 15, 14, 9, 7, 4, and 10 months. She hopes and prays that whatever God has planned for her and her husband in the future is all in HIS hands!